I’m excited to welcome Jenn Peppers to the blog today. Aside from being one of my closest friends, Jenn is a terrific leadership & business coach, and is the co-author (along with Tara Miller) of the insightful yet practical book Finding the Flow: A Guide for Leading Small Groups and Gatherings. You can find out more about Jenn’s life and work by visiting her site at www.vergecoaching.com.
So, it’s easier for me to talk about this topic if I share a quick personal story first. When I was in my mid-30s a series of things happened that led me to have a season of performance anxiety. One of the worst attacks happened the night before I was planning to run a 5K. I did not sleep that night and never ran the 5K, but I did realize something important: my sense of self-worth was extremely closely tied to how well I performed.
My non-Christian family unintentionally imparted this false belief, but it easily transferred to my relationship with God. I was really good at doing all of the right things as a Christian and following all of the rules, but honestly a huge part of my motivation was that I thought I had to do these things to earn God’s love and favor.
I know I am not alone in this skewed understanding of God’s love. Actually, I think this is the prevalent attitude in the evangelical church.
A quick Google search resulted in the following statistics:
- Almost 60% of Christians around the world feel their hectic schedule prevents them from spending more time with God. ~ Christian Today
- Barna found that 53% of Baby Busters (1965 – 1983) and 49% of Baby Boomers (1946 – 1964) describe themselves as too busy.
- 55% of those who do not attend church say it’s because they are too busy. (An Ecological Study for Growth Assessment conducted by a student at the Nazarene Bible College in Colorado.)
Why are we Christians so busy? Studies show it’s because it provides us with of a sense of significance, importance, or status. In other words, being busy fuels our self-worth.
Based on my experience, so much of our church small group experience, including curriculum, subtly or overtly suggests that we need to do more and perform better to be closer to God. We’re given steps and to-dos to become more Christ-like. And while I think this approach leads to some growth and has value, I believe we could be doing much more to encourage a deeper growth and life change that isn’t rooted in a performance-based paradigm.
Around the same time that I was experiencing performance anxiety, I also went through training and certification as a life coach. The thing I heard over and over from other Christian coaches I met was that they experienced “way more” life changing growth and authentic community through their coaching training than they ever had at church. Initially, this was perplexing to me. I believe God is the author of transformation, so why did it seem that God was more free to produce life-changing growth in a secular coach-training course than He was at my church? Could church communities be doing something different that would lead to more life-changing growth? My coach training experience convinced me: The answer is yes.
My motivation behind co-authoring Finding the Flow was to bring some of the simple skills that I was learning in coach training to small group leaders. As Reggie McNeal said, “A final resistance factor that impedes the development of community in ministry efforts is a competency issue for the leader. Can the leader coach others? Coaching abilities differ from performing abilities. Most church leaders have been taught to perform. Few leaders have had training in coaching. Coaching is both a set of skills and an art…A spiritual leader determined to develop a team will go to school to learn how to be a coach.” And he also said on creating a missional culture that churches have to, “create a process where you actually have conversations with people and you begin to help them…create a life-coaching kind of culture.”
Why is this so important? Because the primary focus of a “life-coaching culture” isn’t performance. It’s transformation.
Six years ago I joined a coed tribe of Christian coaches who initially formed because we shared a vision of using our coaching skills to help develop the leaders of our churches. Our tribe morphed into an authentic community of coaches committed to unleashing each other and others to lives and ministries that glorify God. By simply expecting each other to be authentic, stop over-performing, celebrate mistakes, and listen to the Holy Spirit we’ve individually experienced significant healing and changes in our own lives. We’ve created space for freedom for each other and are living more freely as a result. When we gather we don’t do anything magical. We simply take time to explore our lives, talk about how God is working, and share with each other what we’re learning. We accept each other and believe that we’re already enough and that there is more.
What if all of the small group experiences in your church could be more like that? We know intuitively that if our groups were more like this, more people would want to be part of them. Such groups would spark a movement. After all, who doesn’t want to live more freely?
- In what ways have you noticed performance-based Christianity showing up in your church & small groups?
- What do you think needs to happen to allow small groups to be less about performing and more about experiencing authentic transformation together?
Note from Mike: In addition to reading Jenn’s book, if you’re interested in training your leaders in the transformational coaching skills Jenn is talking about, she and I are available to offer that training in a variety of formats via “The Coaching Leader” course, which you can read more about by clicking here.