Archives For September 2013

givemeyourhand

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.” ~ George MacDonald

In my previous post, I listed four primary ways trust gets broken in any relationship. Turns out, this is an alarmingly easy thing to do. So what do you do once trust is damaged?

How do you rebuild trust? Here are four practical suggestions:

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trusttorn

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” ~ Steven Covey

What does someone have to do to lose your trust?

You might think the answer that just popped into your head is the same one everyone would have, but that’s not necessarily true. Turns out people define trustworthiness in different ways, and watch for different behaviors to determine whether someone is worthy of trust.

As Ken Blanchard says in his book, TrustWorks:

“Trust is in the eye of the beholder.

What does that mean? It means that you can be completely unaware that your behavior is eroding the trust of those around you. What looks like fine behavior to you could make your friend, spouse, boss, employee, or constituent downright wary.” ~ Ken Blanchard, TrustWorks

In Trustworks, Blanchard identifies four primary categories of “trustworthiness” people use as a filter for determining who is or isn’t worthy of trust. He calls it the ABCD Model of Trust:

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trust

“A man who trusts nobody is apt to be the kind of man nobody trusts.” ~ Harold MacMillan

In Patrick Lencioni’s Five Dysfunctions of a Team, the first and most foundational team dysfunction the author cites is “absence of trust.” When it comes to team failure (or the failure of any relationship for that matter), the loss of trust is the “first domino”; all the rest of the dysfunctions ~ fear of conflict, lack of commitment, avoidance of accountability, and inattention to results ~ flow out of that fractured foundation.

I say all that to emphasize what we all intuitively know: Trust Matters. Trust is foundational to all communal endeavors ~ whether they revolve around accomplishing an organizational objective, or making a marriage work. Without trust, your team, or relationship, cannot succeed.

But trust is not a simple, black and white, neatly packaged concept. It’s complex. It has many layers. The experience of trust is different for each person. What may compromise trust for one person may not be an issue for another. This means you can break trust without even realizing you’re doing it, or fail at repairing trust even when giving it your best.

Sounds messy, doesn’t it? Yep. That’s because it is.

So how, then, do you effectively build trust?

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